August 27th, 2010
I think the real creative genius authors are those who write headlines. I’m not talking about creating headlines, as in you did something great and now your story is splashed all over the papers; rather I’m talking about the actual wording that goes into the headlines.
Let me explain.
I was scanning the Internet for news over the past week and saw this:
Mummified remains of babies linked to ‘Peter Pan’ author James M. Barrie
Here’s the story link:
Okay, so my first thought is ‘Oh my god, James M Barrie was a serial baby murderer! Well, then I read the story. Turns out that some ladies were cleaning out a very old storage area (nowhere near anywhere James M. Barrie ever was) and they found skeletal remains dating back to the 1930’s and papers belonging to a Jean M. Barrie plus a Peter Pan book.
Okay people, is this a story? Really? I’m not a detective but the ‘link’ seems pretty shaky here. If I had to Law and Order this one I would guess that Jean M Barrie, having the same initials and similar name as the Peter Pan author, probably had a lot of hilarious friends who were always giving him or her Peter Pan schwag.
I’m just guessing, cause knowing my friends – if my name was Janet Karen Rowling, I bet my hilarious friends would be giving me all sorts of Harry Potter stuff too, cause I too would be a JK Rowling….get it…yeah, not so funny really, I bet that’s what Jean thought too after awhile.
As far as why the skeletons were in a trunk? No idea, but I’d put money on the fact that the actual J.M. Barrie had nothing to do with it.
Here’s another Pulitzer Award winning headline:
I Am Secretly Dating My Step-Cousin
Okay, so yes, the real world has officially become so glum that I have decided to only read fluff news, at least tonight.
So, to be fair, this is a counseling/advice article. So, in the world of ridiculous news I wouldn’t want to confuse this with an actual news article that appears on the front of a virtual newspaper. But still, even in that context, I have trouble believing that there is a story here, or a problem.
I’m going to come out and say it, you’re not related. Even if he was your real cousin, you could still get married in a great many states – not that legality takes away the Ew factor in that…. But still, step-cousin? I believe it was Darwin who said that we’re better off marrying our blood cousins if we know they have no genetic disorders rather than taking a chance out there in the gene pool. Again, logic does not exclude Ew.
But a step-cousin? You don’t even share grandparents (which for me is really where the Ew comes in. You share nothing except some awkward family dinners in the future. Which, incidentally, happen whether you marry your step-cousin or not.
I can only say that the real news must be pretty damn depressing right now (I wouldn’t know, I’m only reading the entertainment section).
Here’s another headline:
Heidi Montag’s Face Returns To Normal
Okay, so at some point, someone is going to have to sit me down and explain in very simple terms why this girl is famous. I looked around a little (it’s remarkable what you’ll do to avoid doing what really needs to be done) and apparently she’s done nothing. By that standard, there’s a whole lot of people that oughtta be famous. But Heidi Montag did have enough plastic surgeries and artificial parts inserted to officially make her one of the Borg (yes, I’m a giant nerd) so I guess that’s why she’s back in the news…?
In any case, for all of you who were wondering when her face was going to be normal, it’s happened, and Huffington Post was the first to break the story. I also read yesterday that she was able to wear sunglasses.
That’s great, I was getting ready to call the Channel 9 news and let them know that I was wearing pants today too.
Okay even for me, who is trying like hell to avoid the collapse of sanity that I call politics, this is a bit much. I mean, I’m trying to bury my head in the sand as much as anyone and pretend that Glen Beck’s August 28th rally isn’t happening, but it’s almost more painful to avoid the news than to just face it and groan.
Although I will say this, if there’s ever a headline about Glen Beck regaining normalcy, I will read, till then I’m sticking to the place where news happens: the entertainment section.