March 28th, 2009
I don’t often admit to watching American Idol. To counter the fact that I set my Tivo to record every Tuesday night, I staunchly refuse to learn any of the contestant’s names. By knowing them only as Dude with Guitar and Blind Guy I am countering my addiction.
I have been baffled the last two weeks by the inefficiency of the guest vocal coaches. It has to be pretty bad for me to notice, and the last two weeks were….well, ouch. So I can’t help but wonder, if I, who can’t sing a note on key, could hear how off pitch Oil Rig Guy and Precocious Brunette were, how did Randy Travis and Smokie Robinson miss it?
I’ve formulated a theory that American Idol must have some serious TMZ worthy dirt on both Randy and Smokie, and that’s why they had that slightly terrified smile on their faces during the practice sessions. So, I wrote them a little note –
Randy, did you really think that Pink Highlight shouldn’t change a thing? Really? What was going on Randy? I’ll always have mad love for you, don’t be ashamed of whatever you’re doing in photo that the producer was waving at you off camera that made you tell Sensitive Guitar Guy that he sounded ‘great.’
And Smokie, when you told Skinny Blond Girl how ‘different’ she was – did you really want to say different as in terrible? Why didn’t you just let it out Smokie, we were all thinking it. Was there a bigger reason? I’m just saying, whatever they have on you, I’ll still love you. It’s cheaper to hire the lawyers, file a slander suit, but instead you sold your soul to American Idol.
I don’t care if it was an amazing coincidence that you pulled your AIG stock ‘just in time’ or if you Christian Baled someone in the recording studio, they probably deserved it. Don’t let anyone blackmail you into telling Blind Guy that it was a good idea to be singing a Dionne Warwick song.