November 1st, 2008
Hate You So Much American Express
So I was just dumped by American Express. I’ve been through most of the stages of grieving, first I was in denial, then I was indignant, then I questioned what I might have done wrong, I tried to win them back, and now, I’m angry.
What’s up American Express? I’m not good enough for you all of a sudden? We used to be tight, you used to send me little notes and free gifts just to say you cared. You said ‘thank you’ every time I paid my bill, you upped my credit limit to ridiculous amounts for no apparent reason.
You found me as an unemployed eighteen year old with little to no earning potential or credit history. You gave me a shiny new card which I proceeded to fill up with catalog purchases from Victoria’s Secret. I remember the first time you called me to remind me that I actually needed to pay my bill, you were so nice, so understanding, so sensitive.
You made me feel like no matter how bad off I might be, I could still order panties online and charge them to my American Express, and somehow, it would all be alright.
We stayed together for fourteen long years, you and I. I’d rack up my credit, I’d pay it down, I’d transfer my balances, I’d transfer them back, you never left my side. You even stuck with me when ten years ago my identity was stolen and used to fund someone’s collection of farm equipment. In response to $30,000.00 in combines appearing on my credit report, you didn’t run away, instead you upped my credit limit once again.
And now you dump me? Now that I’m $700 away from paying off my outstanding debt with you, you dump me? Did you get scared that I wasn’t going to need you anymore? Cause, it’s not true, I was going to keep you around, use you to buy books on Amazon, baby toys from Diapers.com, facial cleanse from Proactive.
When you sent me that cancellation notice, I didn’t believe it, couldn’t believe it. Then, I did my homework. I guess you’ve been canceling lots of people lately, I guess you have quite a reputation. How could I have been so blind? I thought you were one of the good ones, not like that fickle Direct Merchant’s Bank or the bastardly Bank of America.
Well you know what American Express? Screw you. I’m over it. I’m moving on. I’m paying cash from here on out.
Don’t bother to call, and those reward points, you can have ‘em, every time you look at them, think of me. Oh, and one more thing, I faked it, every time.
